hug?

Sometimes/most of the time, I question my existance. I wonder why I'm alive..
I do everything wrong, I'm never enough for people, they take me for granted and I really feel like dying.
I don't even want to live because idk, life means nothing to me? Ya ya I should treasure my life because people are dying and they would do anything to live longer. Honestly, if there was a way that I can somehow
"give" them my life or something I would, or trade their life with mine. I think they would live it to the fullest and they'll actually go out and do something or make a change.
I feel like a burden.. to my family.. to my friends.. to people who care about me.
Now, all I do is shop because I feel like that's the only way I can actually feel better. But truth is, it doesn't even work. I feel better for a moment and then I realise that i'm flushing money down the toilet bowl.... but if I don't shop, that what do I do? idk? i'm just so lost.. I must have gone wrong somewhere in the 6 months :-(
I'm always there for people but when I need help, I feel that there's no one here for me or cares enough about me to listen to what I have to say.
I don't want to feel like a burden anymore
I don't want to feel anything
I don't want to live
I don't want anything
I wish I can just die right now