rain is falling

hello everyone, good morning.

yesterday sentosa sucked - my fault not anyone else's lol -

okay, so moving on :-)

I'm gonna do a "things I like/hate about myself" questionaire/tag

like

1. I like my legs... cause they're long aha

2. I like my hair cus it grows quite fast.

3. I like my eyes cause they're bigger than an average asian (but then again I'm rojak with non asian blood)

4. I like my eyelashes cause they're super long

5. I like that I am cheery about people haha

6. I like the fact that I'm (quite) sociable

7. I like 

hate

1. I hate my white hair. (it's hereditary :( )

2. I hate my complexion

3. I hate my nose

4. I hate my lips 

5. I hate how short my body is

6. I hate my tummy

7. I hate my "figure" - whatever figure it is.. lol

8. I hate my thighs i think they're getting bigger

9. I hate my feet I think they're too big

10. I hate how I push everyone away from me

11. I hate how people are constantly leaving my life

12. I hate how I always feel alone

13. I hate how I'm never happy with my life

14. I hate that I always want to die - i wish i could treasure my life more

15. I hate that I bottle everything up and then one day I just suddenly break down

I got stuck on the 7th thing i like about myself so I decided to change the tag from

10 things i like and hate about myself

to

things i like and hate about myself 

I'm really starting to hate my life. If I could, I would choose to end it, any day any time.

Just so tired of my emotions and other people's bullshit they keep throwing me. 

So damn fucking t i r e d. 

WEEK

hello everyone!!! :-) How was your weeEeEeEeeEek? 

If it was bad, don't worry! Hopefully good will happen during the weekends yea? 

ANYWAY SO TODAY I'M BACK TO BLOG ABOUT MY WEEEEEK!!!!!! 

which is my first week of school in poly :) :) hehe

let's start this post off with my FACE :*

"I lick u"

so first day of school was really boring... cus the classes were like so damn boring meh :\ haha. I had business accountancy at 11 - 1. and break from 1-4 and then W&P at 4-6. Monday was honestly quite a bad day because I felt quite shitty haha. but I only felt shitty after school - as in during dinner. (HEOUS dinner) lol 

natalie and I

haha my class~

Daniel and Joel, the "handsome" and "cute" in my class LOL they hijacked my phone btw i didn't take this

cool kids of TB08 (minus may and half of the girls) AND THE BRANDWHORE AT THE BACK >:)

May, jingyi, super duper cute jingy and superman daniel lol

heous dinner lol. We were hiding when they were taking a group heous shot. lol lol lol 

<3

DAAAAAY 2: 

this was the day I didn't get much sleep because of the night before. Sigh. Only slept for 4 hours and then had 3 modules on that day. Wanted to kill myself by the end of the day hahaha. Nothing much happened that day.. Had classes and then went home. 

Actually, I honestly can't really remember much about my week other than thursday and friday HAHAHAH

DAY 3: 

I only went to school for 2 hours so I didn't really bother to "dress up" hahah. I only had econs lecture so yeah~ Hung out with Louis, Ariel, jacky and some of the other heous people for lunch!! Then met louis after lec and we went to find some other people at the basketball court. Then went to grandma's house for dinner!!!! haha i really missed my grandparents... sigh

CHOOT CHOOT IS SLEEPING

DAY 4!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

hehe one of my happiest days because I got to see my fav people <3 

So I wore my Team Temasek shirt cus I only had a 1 hour lecture -_______- and i didn't see a reason why I should wear until so nice so yup. 

Went to school at 12 to have lunch with bear, jacky and ariel at bistro walk <3 then we walked around school and slacked and laughed like shit cus whenever jacky is around, we joke about everything HAHAH. 

Then I had to go for lecture which was so sucky because it's CSA (computer systems application lol)  

so what do u do during a boring lecture? CAMWHORE. hehe i was stuck between these 2 sluts because the rest were late as usual -_________- hahahahh but hopkins damn cute and funny la haiyo! 

this is daniel btw LOL HAHAHH 

hehe HOPKINS both wearing yellow!! and yes his real name is hopkins

y so serious

yay he smiled. lol

ok then after that we went to the TPSU lounge to slack with some heous people :-) hahah time spent with all of them is always worth it. 

hijackers

heous and the super chio vanessa and super cute baby of mine, nicole

and a separate collage for ariel and jacky <3 and myself. and harris. and sonia HAHAHA

and another collage stolen from rebecca hehe

TODAYYYYYY:

I went to school early to get some studying done! I wouldn't say it's a success but it's better than nothing. hahaha. I went to school at 9 so i'm like freaking tired rn hais. I studied with ariel alone for about an hour before daniel and louis joined us............ then we couldnt concentrate anymore HAHAHAHAHAH we started this thing about how daniel and louis are such pop kids and then we kept making fun of daniel by "cleaning" his chairs and tables to make sure everything is clean. Like y'know royalty. HAHAHAHAHA 

oh and bear came to help me with microecons hehe. i'm so stupid la omfg haha

eating ariel ;)

and the POP KID DANIEL

fucking huge ass scratch knnb

my baby and i

OMFG 3 HOUR LAB FOR CSA JUST KILL US OK 

on a side note, isn't jingyi like super pretty???????!?!!!?

dying

CLASS IS OVER WE ARE HAPPY KIDS

after class i chilled with louis and daniel for an hour... we only spent 15 mins at the lounge before they told us it was closed :-( aww. then we met ariel and then walked daniel and louis to the bus stop (and to get me some honeydew sago hehe) then went back to school and slacked more. saw wen kai and choot choot~ talked for a bit... .then decided to go home. Before that i met my lanjiao <3 and ranted a bit to him. haiyo sometimes ah SOMETIMES MIND YOU S O M  E T I  M E S  S SS  i have so much love for him cus he tolerates my bullshit so much. but it's a 2 way thing cus I have to tolerate his laziness as well HAHAHA

so yeah, that was SORT of my week. roughly hehe. 

gg to sentosa tmr w heous... i hope everything turns out alright!

bye everyone, i love u <3

peace out niggas

The F word.

Hi everyone! 

This blog post is gonna be about.... Fitness 

So for those of you who are not that interested in fitness and care more about how my week has been in TP ;) ;) you can go ahead and skip this post cus i'm not really gonna be talking about how my life/week has been. yet. I'll be blogging about that on friday or saturday :-) 

ok so here I go!

So, today I suddenly felt a need to blog about fitness here (and not on advofnatandanna) because recently I've been screwing with my diet and body so bad to the point that nat thought that I was having an ED.

Here's what happened. 

As you guys know, I injured my calf a month/few weeks back and I couldn't sprint or run. So I decided to take a break from working out because I simply couldn't take the pain.... Then when the pain went away, FO started so I didn't have time to work out anymore. And before I injured my calf, I have been working out 6 days a week and eating only greens and whole grain bread as staple carbs. So when I stopped working out, I felt helpless and sad and extremely worried that my 1 month of hardwork and working out has gone down the drain. What did I do to "resolve" this problem? I starved myself. 

First it was just no carbs, no fried food. -which was hard because I was out a lot and carbs was a staple in many many many food outlets so yeah-

Then, because it was so hard to find food that actually met my "requirements" right, I dropped to 2 meals a day. Just breakfast (which i normally eat at home) and lunch.

Then, I thought, hey if I can settle with just 1/2 of my portion that I normally eat for those 2 meals, it'd be great and my body would be probably be the same and maybe I might even manage to lose some weight.

So my portions became smaller and my meals became less frequent.

And eventually, I only ate breakfast to last me through the day.

Until 2 nights ago. What happened? I broke down. No idea why. I was at heous dinner... and as usual I didn't eat anything. And saw someone that pissed the living daylight out of me so when Ariel walked me to the bus stop, I started crying.... and then when I got home, I just continued crying and saying how much I hate life etc. I tried to talk to nat about it but I didn't know how to put my emotions into words because I had no idea what I was feeling. All I felt was sad, angry, confused and helpless. 

Nat said.. "you're eating too little and your "diet" is starting to screw your emotions and head up." 

So she told me to start eating at least 2 proper meals a day. I tried the next day (which was yesterday) and I actually felt much better (honestly, all I had was subway and mee hoon kueh) I even slept better.

Today I tried to eat as much as I could and I feel so proud of myself for eating 2 proper meals (yay)

But Nat and I were texting today and she was asking me about the last time I worked out and when was the next time I'm going for training.... I honestly, can't remember the last time I worked out or even went for a run and I have no clue when the next time I'm going training is gonna be. So she said....

"I think you need to prioritize soon." 

Which got me to thinking.... 

WHAT AM I DOING TO MY HEALTH. 

So yes, right now I'm trying to get back on my own 2 feet and back on the treadmill and training as frequently as I can.

And also, I'm gonna try and eat as healthily as possible. Back to how it used to be and how it SHOULD be.

So,

1. DIET.

I'm going back to eating 5 small meals a day, (slowly of course. not now) 

I'm still not eating white carbs/carbs. If I do, I'm only eating 1/4 or 1/2 of it.

I don't eat fast food so.. yeah.

No fried food.

My larger meals should consist of 70% greens, 20% protein and 10% carbs 

2. workout.

This was how my workout plan USED to be:

Monday, training 

Tuesday, Arms/weights

Wednesday, core

Thursday, training

Friday, legs/butt

Saturday, training

Sunday, rest OR cardio.

but now that I have school which makes it really hard for me to work out and makes me tired all the time 

so I'm gonna try this.

Monday - core

Wednesday - cardio/run

thursday - arms/weights

Saturday - training

It's gonna be tough but I'm going to try.

For those who are constantly feeling uninspired to workout/ run ( BUT ARE ALWAYS COMPLAINING ABOUT YOUR BODY -.- ) what I think is that, you need someone who is willing to work out with you and remind you of your goals and what not. 

For me, all of you guys know... it's nat. :-) I really love her more than words can say because we've been on this fitness journey for 6 months now and it has been really fulfilling. I'm not sure how I can actually explain the feeling of feeling good about yourself feels. But it feels better than starving yourself and "skinny feels"

Oh and 1 more thing, I don't base my progress on a weighing scale. I don't believe everything the scale tells me. muscle DOES NOT weigh more than fats. It just looks better on your body than fats does and it's more dense than fats. 

eg, 

it weighs the same but it LOOKS different on your body.

So yeah, I hope you guys will join me on this fitness journey and I hope people who are suffering with ED recover soon and find joy in working out and eating (a bit) more :-) 

Till next time, Anna <3

update downdate

hello everyone!!!!
it's Friday so, TGIF!!!
Right now, I'm on the bus going to school for Jam and Hop! We had orientation today but I skipped it cause I had gastric and puked out the breakfast I forced down my throat.
So I woke up at 6 today and then went back to sleep and woke up at 10. Felt completely shitty, sigh. So I woke up, ate breakfast etc and then went to ntuc to get some stuff for wen kai cause he was sick and all. I'm such a good friend and freshie haha. then went to collect my bag from nat's house and I swear I almost died cus I kept wanting to puke and I was sweating like mad. hahah, got home and watched tv shows etc etc etc etc and slept for an hour cus my head kept pounding. then I woke up at 4 and decided to eat bread cus I was too hungry haha. forced 2 slices of bread down my throat and downed a glass of water down my throat. Got a text from jacky and saw that as a sign that I should start getting ready (cus he said "you in school already" and I replied "nope I just woke up. gonna get ready now" he replied "you are a champion" HAHAHAH) so yup! got ready etc and now I'm going to school woohoo.
I hope jam and hop will be fun!! gonna meet Joey, Jazel and Ariel at the mushroom and then we're going to J&H tgt!! and then we're going for supper after that with heous I think? haha no idea!
so yup, that's all I have to say. bye!!
omg, I typed this out and I'm still at eunos smlj!!!!!! so annoying >:(

ok bye for real x

over thinking

hello everyone.
Happy mid week :-) I hope everyone's doing well!!!
So today I did some thinking.. have you ever wondered, what you were doing 1 year ago??
 And if your 1-year-ago-self could see what/how you are now, would you be proud of yourself? (I know the phrasing is a bit weird but you get what I mean)
Honestly, 1 year ago, was when I started drifting away from LAMA and started mugging for MYE. That was when I got close with syed and what not.... studying everyday.. and I think me then, would not be proud of me now.
Firstly, I never wanted to go to TP... honestly, TP was my last choice. In fact, tp was never in my choices. BUT it's okay I think i'm getting used to it and fitting in.
Secondly, I'm vulgar as hell. Now that I think of it, it's becoming disgusting. but I will cut down on my vulgarities. or I'll try not to use vulgarities so often.
Thirdly, I'm sad. (ha ha how melodramatic) but yes, I'm not on good terms with my dad, I feel like a failure 90% of the time, and I can't find someone to talk to. I know there are people around who will say that I can talk to them any day, any time and will always be there for me. Well, here's the problem. I'm too insecure and I overthink. I'm scared that if I pour out my feelings to someone, they will listen not because they care, but they're curious. And then they will walk away and tell others about my problems. I guess I sort of have some rights to feel that way because it happened before and who knows, it might happen again.. I'm also scared that they'll judge me and my problems; thinking "wtf this bitch has so much insecurities about herself"/ "can she just shut up about her life, not everything revolves around her"/ "god why is she so petty"/ "she's so annoying complaining about every single thing". I know that people will think that about my problems and won't give more than 2 shits because it's not "severe" or dramatic enough for their attention. I feel like that all the time... I guess it's quite sad how everyone sees me as this girl that is cheery 24/7 but is so screwed up inside out. Hah, I'm so screwed up that I feel that my dad doesn't even wna acknowledge me anymore.

So yeah, that's about how I let myself down in some ways I guess? But then again, I might be expecting too much from myself?

you know, I just need someone that wouldn't judge me to talk to.
my mind is constantly thinking that it kills me.
over thinking kills. and it's killing me.

thank you x

Thank you for everything you've done for us.

Thank you for tolerating our bullshit

Thank you for being so cheery 24/7

Thank you for being such amazing GLs and friends

Thank you for inspiring all the freshies to be like you

Thank you for giving us the best welcome into TP

Thank you for all the laughter we've had

Thank you for touching our hearts and loving all of us whole heartedly

Thank you for losing your voices for us

Thank you for sacrificing your sleep just for this camp

Thank you for putting our needs before your own needs

Thank you for always being here for us.

Thank you to all 30+ gls 

I'm so grateful for everything that you've done for us. I love all of you guys, even though I don't know all of your names... I feel like I've become really close to you guys, after all the inside jokes about bowls and what not ( ha ha ). I really hope to see all of you soon because whenever I see you guys, I become instantly happy. 

-
so yesterday the BPS twins went to CPF again for CPF dinner :-) we bought koi for them as well! Though it's not much but yknow, at least it's something right?

Ariel, CJ, Jacky and I

Wen Kai: I'm going to keep this picture until next year. When/if I become a GL, I'll show you this and remind you of how much you've inspired me. Ai si ni x

zheng xuan ah~ hahaha u are very cute eh not kidding. whenever I look at you I see you doing the the twist pose damn cute la haiyo

jonny boy ah jonny boy.... you super buey paiseh, I LIKE. hahaha.

LANJIAO^2!!! i'll always remember you as the one who saved his number in my phone as "cutie ong" and made me go crazy cus I didn't know who it was. then after that we started calling each other lanjiao and cheebye. and that's how I came to the conclusion as u being lanjiao^2 HAHAH.

All the polaroids I took with you guys. you all really mean something to me ok? x

esp my ec la haiyo hahah you're so damn cute when you're sleepy hahahahah 

and colin, I'll always remember you as the guy who always disturbed me as "the disgusting kc girl" hahah, but whenever I was crying, you would sayang me.... and say how that you're glad to see me back and what not. 

Bear bear!! you're the quietest gl I know, always so shy. But I guess that's what makes you different and it'll always be how I remember you. :-) 

yea, that's all for today guys. 

till next time, x. 

questionnaire 2

1. What is more difficult for you, looking into someones eyes when you are telling someone how you feel, or looking into someones eyes when they are telling you how they feel?

- looking into someone's eyes when I'm telling someone how I feel

2. Think of the last time you were REALLY angry. WHY were you angry? Do you still feel the same way?

i think a few days ago, I was angry cus of something personal and 50 yes 50 no.

3. You are on a flight from Honolulu to Chicago non-stop. There is a fire in the back of the plane. You have enough time to make ONE phone call. Who do you call? What do you tell them?

my mummy.. I'll tell her thank you for everything she has done for me and I love her. 

4. You are at the doctor’s office and he has just informed you that you have approximately one month to live. Do you tell anyone/everyone you are going to die? What do you do with your remaining days? Would you be afraid?

No I won't tell anyone except my family. I'll travel around the world with my family haha. Nope, I don't mind dying

5. You can have one of the following two things. Which do you choose? Why? Love and Trust.

Trust. Because I can't love someone without trusting them.

6. You are walking down the street on your way to work. There is a dog drowning in the canal on the side of the street. Your boss has told you if you are late even once more, you are fired. Do you take the time to save the dogs life? Why or Why not?

yes. because a life is more important than a worthless job.

7. Would you rather be hurt by the one you trust the most or the one you love the most?

the one I love the most. because.... been there done that.

8. Your best friend confesses that he/she has feelings for you more than just friendship. He/she is falling in love with you. What do you (or did you) do/say?

I'll say.... "april fool's is over already"

9. Think of the last person who you know that died. You have the chance to give them 1 hour of life back, but you have to give up one year of yours. Do you do it? Why or Why not?

I don't know know anyone close that passed away recently.

10. Are you the kind of friend that you would want to have as a friend?

hmm yeah.

11. Does love = sex?

no

12.Your boss tells your coworker that they have to let them go because of work shortage, and they are the newest employee. You have been there much longer. Your coworker has a family to support and no other means of income. Do you go to your boss and offer to leave the company? Why or Why not?

hmmmm, depends on what I work as..? If i really like my job then probably not.

13.When was the last time you told someone HONESTLY how you felt regardless of how difficult it was for you to say? Who was it? What did you have to tell the person?

No one jaha.

14. What would be (or what was) harder for you to tell a member of the opposite sex, you love them or that you do not love them back?

that I love them.

15. What do you think would be the hardest thing for you to give up? Why would it be hard to lose?

the hardest thing for me to give up is someone I really love... because it's hard to watch someone you love slip out of your hands. 

16. Excluding romantic love, when was the last time you told someone you loved them. Who were they to you?

haha yesterday....... to my gls. 

17. If there was one moment and one time in the last month what would you change and why?

I would have changed...... my reckless spending hahahahahah

18.Imagine it is a dark night, you are alone, it is raining outside, you hear someone walking around outside your window. WHO do you wish was there with you?

HAHAHAHAH i'm not saying

19. Would you give a homeless person CPR if they were dying? Why or Why not?

yes. because it's their life that we're talking about. 

21.You are holding onto your grandmother’s hand and the hand of a newborn that you do not know as they hang over the edge of a cliff. You have to let one go to save the other. Who do you let fall to their death? What was your rationale for making the decision?

newborn. Because my grandmother means the world to me.

22. Are you old fashioned?

nope

23. When was the last time you were nice to someone and did NOT expect anything in return for it?

hmm yesterday I guess?

24.Which would you choose, true love with a guarantee of a broken heart, or never loved at all? Why?

true love with a guarantee of a broken heart...... It's better than not being loved

25.If you could do anything or wish anything, what would it be?

It would probably be.... going to the olympics/living in the states. yup!

FO

hello, starting off this post with MY FACE MUAHAHAHAH 

So yesterday! Ariel and I and the rest of the FOW went back to school to watch our darling GLs perform! :-) It was really nice and.... sad cus we got chased off before heous gls performed and I was so sad :'''''( I cried so much ok I don't even remember the last time I cried so much :''''( hahahahah AIYA ANNA IS SUCH A BABY lol

ok anyway!

So I met Ariel (aka BPS-buey paiseh- twin) omg, we're so alike it's so freaky ok!!!!! I've only known her for 5 days but we're so close already. So much love for this girl really <3 

kkkkkk no more side tracking. BACK TO SERIOUS BLOGGING HAHA

we met at 3 at tamp inter! and we went to buy strepsils for all our baby GLs! 

Honestly speaking, despite the fact that they're older than us, I feel like they're our babies. whenever i see them cry, i'll have the urge to cry as well.... no idea what makes me feel so close and attached to them you know.. but I am super duper attached to them

omfg look at me.. I'M SIDE TRACKING AGAIN

ok, so we went to cold storage and bought 30 packets of strepsils. HAHAHAHAH there is actually a really funny story to the reason why we bought 30 and not 20 or something.. but i don't think it should be so public so yeah~~~

okay, other than strepsils, we bought for them pi pa gao :-) 3 bottles. hopefully it's enough.. I doubt it is though ahhhh so sorry :( 

So we left tamp at 5, after grabbing some starbucks n sushi, and cabbed to school because we refused to take the bus. HAHAHAHA i told u we're alike right... We're both so lazy LOL

ok, so we reached school at 5:15 and hung around... met the FOC people and watevaaaaa

<3 

the message I wrote on the pi pa gao bag! hahaha

We managed to give out all the strepsils but Wen Kai didn't get one and I didn't know that.... probably because he kept refusing and when I offered him, he broke down... ahhhh my heart was like so..... filled with love... the feeling is just so indescribable. But I think wen kai kept the strepsils bag <3 

So we sat at the back with some of the GLs and talked and all. Hahahah it was really so fun!! I wish it could have lasted longer though :'( sigh. 

camwh0rez with Zheng Xuan's cap

camwhorez2

WE SIBEH CUTE RIGHT?????????????? I KNOW LA ;) HAHAHAH (see so buey pai seh right)

the zheng xuan pose. Whenever u look at him, he'll always do that HAHAHA 

ZHE ME KE AI YA <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 

HEHE zun and colin joined in HAHAHAHA colin is so cute la. And that bloody photobomber. 

Colin damn fierce, he was like "eh I tell u ah, u photobomb one more time, u watch out" HAHAHAHA SO CUTE LA THIS EX SPS BOY

cute or cute???

and then the girl GL joined in... but i forgot her name.. SORRY!!!! 

and here is me with my red eyes cus MY CONTACTS CAME OUT lolololololol jk

HAHAHAHAHAH LOOK AT COLIN HE IS SO CUTE LA!!!! and the bloody photobomber. 

yup, that's all.

btw, I'm taking a break from gym but I'll be back on monday.... 

ok bye guys!! x

We are the freshies, we love you. Next time we will be like you.