"love yourself enough to do the right things for your body"

did a really lengthy post on the fitness blog,
if you're interested then click here!
if not then, Bonsoir! Goodnight :-)

rant

heyhooooooo
happy monday everyone!!!!
I hope the start of your week went great :-) Mine was alright! Pretty good actually.
Had lect and tut today~
this post is gonna be a rant so if u don't wanna see a whole post of words that (probably) won't make much sense (to you) plus 100000 side tracks, feel free to skip this post


So while stretching just now i was just thinking (hah, doing what i do best) abt how... immature some people are............
i'm not saying that im the most mature person (definitely not haha) or that i'm the biggest person (not in size ah tsk :p) but it's just that some people's actions are so immature.
I just don't understand how some people focus all their energy on hating one person or outcasting some one or a group of people, while I'm here trying to SAVE all my energy for work + sch + study and all that jazz.
Isn't being immature so secondary school??? when all we had to worry about was studying for O levels and going to a good Poly/JC. I came to poly thinking that people would be more mature and stop with all these bitchiness (guilty as charged, im a bitch) and like... GOD JUST STOP. I took some time to get over my immaturity and i'm about 80% done with being immature once the sem break was over. I realised there are so many things that I can concentrate on rather than dwell on how "annoying" some people are. (most of them aren't even annoying, it's just that when you don't like someone, whatever they do is annoying. Even breathing)
and honestly i don't see the point in hating someone.... How is hating someone gonna benefit you? is it gonna make you happier? yes????????? then go ahead, hate on the entire world, fill your happiness-cup to the brim then empty it by killing yourself, u sadist little bitch
hahah im kidding,
BUT SERIOUSLY,
i'm so sick of all these people around me who are hating on each other then complaining about how much they hate that person. If you hate someone, keep it to yourself, the world is already filled with so much hatred why would you add more to it?
im just so done with this post n all the immature freaks around me
like
bye basic
don't even
no
bye

mid week

hi everyone

another blogpost up today huhuhuh :> 

I just got on my bed after a tiring day at school and work (inserts -what is think is the- sigh emoji) 

It's only the 3rd day of school and I feel exhausted!!! wow

but it's the good kind of exhausted, where you feel like you're accomplishing something in your life -exhausted. yup :> 

here's my ootd for day 1 (of sem 2)

basically, after (2 hours of) school, i rushed down to cp to collect my parka, and then rushed home so that i can get adequate rest before I pull off my 4 hour shift without looking so groggy and tired.

got home at like... 3 and work started at 6 which was o-sum woohoo

when there are no customers: this is what i do at the cashier HAHAHAHAH

did closing for the first time and this sort of reminded me of milk coming out from cows' udders.......... closing on monday was okay cos pin worked freakishly fast, like bam, everything was done???????!!!!!!!! freaking superwoman man.

anyway, ended work at 10, got home at about 10:15-30 ish and then did some stuff before i slept

day2:

No morning lecture and the lectures i had was at 4pm-6pm and 6pm-7pm

so i dressed down that day!

peace from me 2 u

h8ed the weather cos before i went to meet may at 3, i had to go to the bankS to run some errands and it was so freaking warm!!!!!!!! i wanted to cry cos i hated sweating too ): 

after that i went to meet bg for dinner.

had stingray @ 511.

 lol

ya that's abt it for tues 

day3:

which is today.

i can't believe it's only wednesday...... like it feels like it has been 10 days already or something

HAHAHAHAHAH

so today had bstats lect and i think bstats is gonna be the hardest module im about to take ): it's rly tough... it's only the first lect and im just like

STOP JUST STOP RIGHT THERE I DON'T WANT TO DO THIS ANYMORE LOL

Let me dig a hole and be a failure ya

what i wore: 

ok so 1. the jersey is actually very see through in rl

2. im wearing a denim bustier and shorts underneath

3. im not a slut im just a girl with an extremely short body, which makes most of my tops neither here nor there -too short to be a dress, too long to be a shirt. smtg like a tunic but no- 

came home aft having lunch with may (which i only ate half of an ice cream meh) 

slept for 1/2 hr before i had to rush off for work 

this helped me for a 6 hour shift, but wore off once it hit 9. 

Seriously super tired when it was time to do closing

peace no 2

so that marks the end of.................. the 3 days omfg?!?!?!?!

3 days only but im a fighter im proud of not dying and adapting to my school-work lifestyle

im working everyday from today - next monday (closing every single day omfg) and i think im gonna be helllll tired but i have everything planned out and it should go according to plan!

this is called anna getting her shit together 101 

Im shortlisting unis now and maaan this is tough. my mum really wants me to go to NYU but im super scared i can't make it AND afford it (hence the school-work lifestyle) 

but other than that, everything's been pretty good cos I'm distracting myself so I don't have much time to think about my emotions or even deal with them.

but lately, may and I have been getting pretty close and our reactions to things are damn funny

like when she tells me smtg sometimes (most of the time la k) i'll say "0 fucks given"

and then whenever I tell her things she'll say that too.

so ystd in lect, she said something and both of us said at the same time "0 fucks given to ___" HAHAHAHAHAH so cute ok

and she's so sweet, she wants to celebrate my birthday with me even though it has been 2 weeks since my birthday....

cray girl is cray

but i love her n im glad that shes here by my side through out my hectic lifestyle... even though i know she doesn't understand what's going on in my mind and all that, she's really a good person to just have fun with and talk to..... shes funny and.. just someone i need right now to hang around in school.

getting back to school isn't easy cos there's been some changes be it school-wise or friends-wise, but i'm dealing with it and it isn't affecting me that much. just... 0 fucks given. HAHAHAH kidding (: 

but other than that, i'll check in probably..... monday night? after i end another 5 days of work

aurevoir~ 

Honestly

I'm lying in bed, typing out this post on my phone cos I just feel like I need to do it before I lose myself again once school starts.

The hardest thing for me to do is love myself; love myself enough to stop being such a negative over thinker, starving myself all the time, stop judging myself, stop hating my appearance.

Never in my life have I felt that I'm good enough for anything. Nat has always been the one constantly reminding me that I've achieved quite a bit in my life, I'm not as bad as I think I am, my parents love me and I'm not alone. -yes I would probably die without her by my side hahaha- 

Why do I hate myself? 

Because it's hard not to. Haha seriously though. 

People always remind me about my flaws when I'm trying so hard to ignore them and change them. Sometimes you guys just don't see it you know? You don't understand what I do in order to be deemed as acceptable. Here's a fun fact okay:

I eat only 2 meals a day and here are my meals: a bowl of cereal and a slice of bread.

Yeah I can go a day with just eating that because... whenever I'm about to eat I just imagine myself gaining weight and being fat. It's horrible. I've become to obsessed with trying to be "acceptable" just so that maybe people will notice me more or smtg? I just realized I don't know why im even starving myself? Who am I trying to impress? No one. So why? 

So maybe the next time you guys decide to throw an insult (be it a joke or whatever) just think about the consequences first because some people take it more seriously than others. 

As I was saying

In the midst of all these.... Hatred and anger, I lost myself. I have no idea who I am anymore. All I know is that I need to do something about my flaws which ultimately makes it difficult for me to love myself and stop being so negative. I focus all my energy on the negative things I don't even think about all the good things and people that are in MY life. It's stupid of me you know? Then when people leave I'll be making so much noise and everything when I didn't even cherish them. 

You see it now??? All these thoughts about insecurities really kill me and my friendships.

I laugh and smile so much lesser and every single day, my mind just keeps thinking about every possible wrong thing in my life.

Which is why I've decided that I need to find myself again... Stop with the starvation (it's gonna be hard cos I've been doing it for pretty long already) first and then get my shit together.

Start smiling more, focussing only on the good things which probably means cutting out some people out of my life (for the time being maybe?) who I'm not comfortable with being around cos they simply don't understand me.

I normally don't even open up to people... Some of you may think ya right you're so loud and outgoing. But thing is, you will never know me until you've seen THIS side of me. People who know me? Natalie and mark.. Maybe Brandon. Other than that, no one. So it's quite weird to put a blogpost up like that... Talking about how I feel about myself and loving myself and what not.... I'm afraid people are gonna judge me esp when I've said I don't eat much. I don't want people to talk about me but for those who read this, I just want you to know that... I'm not that simple. And I'm in fact, very very very very screwed up in my mind. But I'm trying. I'm really trying to allow myself to be the best version of me. 

In the end, it's who we are at the end of the day and not who we were or what got us there right? 

I'm just hoping I'm able to find myself again. The only way I can let people in and let them love me is to love myself. 

I don't want to be in an emotional turmoil any longer and I don't want to be on self destruct. 

Right now, I'm still in a bad place. But I'm gonna move on. Force myself to move on. And maybe from now till somewhere not I'm the near future I have no idea when, I'm just gonna... Keep to myself for a while. 

Mmm

hello im back 

again.

BUT THIS TIME NOT SO MUCH NEGATIVITY IN ME HAHA just kidding, its just not in this post.

i think it's onlyright to start a post with my face??????????????? jk

so last friday, i met minghui and adele for late lunch/dinner at marche!!! It was so good to finally meet them. Graduated with this bunch and im happy that we're still in contact :') 

my OOTD cos I didn't rly feel like dressing up!

i look so skinny in the reflection of my stove but nope rly not skinny irl hahahahahahahh

wore dem new flatforms yay

 i met them at.. 3:30/4 and then we went to have lunch-ish. Had rosti for the first time and I would say..... it's not that good HAHAHAH idk why I expected so much more when it's just potato....... and sour cream. Stupid anna

had apple crumble cake for dinner too

then we went to robinsons @ centrepoint cos I really wanted to buy something small for my mum so I decided the night before that I'll buy her a FCUK shirt. like their basic shirts. 

I think I'm gonna -TRY- and buy her a shirt a month, if I manage to find a job while schooling. I've decided on next month's brand already!!!! hehe so exciting

bought this one for my mum and bought another for myself :>

a group photo before we all parted ways ):

:::::::::::::fast forward to monday:::::: (yesterday)

 met may -finally- to shop. Never got to spend time with this girl during this holidays because we were both working and when I was done working, she kinda just started. But recently, she quit her job which means she now has more time for me YAY 

super simple OOTD cos dont qns me

fcuk safely ;-) if u get what i mean

mah beebz

bought a bag + 3 new pairs of shoes + 2 lip products + 1 blush hahahaha

this really reminds me of jeffrey campbell's melina. or a pair of shoes from topshop that I've been eyeing on for quite a while. 

my new rocketeur blush wow it's so gorgggg. Normally i use my mac one which is a really soft pink colour but i'm getting a little tired of it so I decided to get my hands on the new benefit blush, rockateur! It reminds me of..... a blush and bronzer mixed together. If you compare this blush to the other blushes that benefit has, it's a much darker and metallic pink. 

Alrighttttt, I hope you guys have a great week ahead. 

I don't really have much planned for this week even though I have things to do everyday of this week haha :/ sigh, it's the last week of the holidays and I don't think I'm ready for school to start yet. Like, my mind isn't ready and all but just gotta suck it up

hm?

trust me when i say you don't know the first thing abt me
the people im close to, don't even know me
its sad that i feel that i cant open up to them
or show my true self to them or anyone.
i don't think anyone would understand me
because i dont even understand me and the bad thoughts that constantly cross my mind
i hate myself because i dont see how anyone can love me
i think im alive for the people around me and my love for them
im not alive because my life rox. im not living
im just surviving
why do i hate myself? hm i think the question is
why don't i hate myself?
i wish some people would notice the smaller details in the bigger picture
then maybe they would see what's so wrong about something/someone that was "so right"
do you get me?
i wish people would just stop and understand each other instead of constantly judging
i wish some people would stay by my side and see whats wrong
but no
no one sees whats wrong
but it's okay
because even if they saw it like how i see it,
they wouldn't help either
because im hopeless
all i can make sense right now is that i miss you
and you,you,you,you and you.
i wish you understood me
i wish i was more cheerful and tolerable but im not.
or im not, anymore.
is it sad?
hm?

-
this isn't a poem
it's just sentences broken down so that it wont be a big chunk of words that you are dreading to read
about my insecurities
these are just thoughts that are constantly in my mind
wow i think i can just go on and on.
please bear with me hahaha i have a feeling more of these posts will be up soon
im sorry

joys of life: retail therpay

So after my work ended........ i've been on a roll.
A RETAIL THERAPY ROLL. It's so cray because I've spent 650. on clothes. I think I need someone on slap me because i spent it in less than 2 weeks and I also have no money left which is why I'm finding for a job. sigh

alright so I'm trying to remember what I've been doing. Lets see, last saturday I went shopping with brandon

omg this water is damn cool!! hahaha ya i bought it cos I thought it was damn cool..... :/ heh

sup

my fav song rn

this is after saturday... ahaha. only about half of the things I've bought so far. hmmm I think I need helpl

then went to cp on tuesday... and that's what I've got so far. 10 tops 2 outerwear 1 bag 1 pair of shoes!

then met jy on weds and she treated me lunch cos mah birthday~ we went to editors market. f21 and h&m but I gotta leave at 6 cos I had my family dinner which is in the post below. haha

on that day i bought 3 bottoms, 1 romper, 2 tops yup. 

ok that's all bye!!

sorry if this is super boring cos I'm watching grey's anatomy at the same time............ :p

sheng ri // birthday

hi blogger-people/people who read my blog about my extremely boring life.
yesterday was my birthday but i wasnt really feeling the hype.... meh.
but still, thank you to everyone who wished me! (-:
my birthday kinda started on wednesday (9/10) cos i had family dinner and my family bought crabs! but sadly i didnt have appetite and i can't eat seafood yet so yeah ): meh. Then out came a birthday cake!!!!!!! :O :O actually i didn't know my family would celebrate my birthday cos i told them not to. Since my sister's birthday was next week, I thought it would be better to celebrate together on my sister's birthday instead. but i guess im a princess so...?????? HAHAH im kidding (-:

zhu wo sheng ri kuai le

after cutting the cake and all, my mum suddenly gave me a birthday present. in a box. I was really shocked cos i already knew that it would be a watch. Well, remember i said i told her not to get me the watch? I kinda knew it was coming because MY STUBBORN MOTHER NEVER LISTENS TO ME. Anyway, when i opened the box and saw that its michael kors rose gold... wow my heart stopped and all i could say was "OMG OMG OMG OMG" cos i was just so touched and i was gonna cry alr i swear hahaha. this watch is def not cheap which is why i didn't want my mum to buy it. So yeah, then went home and showered. 

and before i slept i laid in my mum's bed hugging her. kissed her on her head then went to sleep. 

:fast forward: 

so yesterday nat brought me to this place at upp bukit timah (near clementi) called the escape artist. It's really interesting. For people who like puzzles and are into sherlock holmes-type-thing (me)
hehehe,
so basically, we were locked in a room and given a scenario. For example, ours was that we had to find out the mastermind and 4 robbers of a heist. There were clues all over the room and we had 4 boxes that were locked that we had to find the code and unlock it. In one of the 4 boxes, there was a key! to unlock the door of course.
I would totally take pics for you guys but no phones allowed so yeah~

we were pretty famished when we were done with the game thing so we headed out for lunch after!! Went to have lunch at carpenter and cook 's yum yum

what we ordered : 2 savory/main dishes (bacon and mushroom brioche and egg,cheese and onion-ithink-  quiche) followed by 3 desserts and 1 scone. 

desserts were - blueberry cheesecake, tiramisu and apple cobber cake.

and the scone was bacon and something i can't really remember.

their mains were good. like really good. Just that maybe the brioche's base was a little too thick. I like their salad on the side cos I love salads especially rockets.

Their deserts was mediocre for me, maybe because nat and I expected a lot more from their desserts after having such good "mains".

 Their blueberry cheesecake was good, but I would prefer it with a crispier crust.. the crust was a little... soggy. 

I really liked their tiramisu though, Their cream wasn't too sweet that it over powered the layer of coffee sponge cake. The coffee taste wasn't that strong either and overall the dessert wasn't very heavy! 

I finished the entire cup by myself cos nat didn't quite like tiramisu and the coffee taste. 

The apple cobbler cake was alright... I liked the apple and cinnamon taste in it but the cake was just too.... heavy. or maybe I was just too full???

And I didn't like the scone cos it was wayyy too salty for me.

So after carpenter and cook, we went to suntec to walk around their newly renovated convention center. Went to H&M, Sephora and smoothie King!!!!

Oh and guess what, sephora finally carries NYX!!!!!!! yay!!!!! bought 2 lip products from nyx and IM LOVING IT especially the matte liquid lip thingy in Antwerp. I'll make sure to take pics of it in my next post (or the following one cos I think the next one is gonna be on my week ) 

bought the following coordinates from H&M hehe ^ 

good lighting in smoothie king so yeah

thank you bb nat for celebrating my birthday with me :* :* infinite kisses for you. Really enjoyed my day, especially with you. 

ok bye guys! see you in the next post~

sweater weather

hii
i can't believer that im turning 17 in about.. a day's time? and it honestly feels like...... it's just gonna be an ordinary day or smtg. I havent been talking to anyone either so im not rly looking forward to any special wishes like from someone you have feelings for etc... which also means no disappointment ;) haha. Oh well, i feel like no one's gonna rmb anyway... hmm im still gonna be the 16 year old me when i turn 17 so there really isnt much of a difference other than the fact that i've survived another year living this torturous life so yay. The only thing im looking forward to is spending my day with natty.... yeahhh......
im so boring haha
whatever
bye
im pathetic
meh

Just hold on, we're going home.

HELLOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!
how has the first 5 days of october treated you? hohohoho (-:
i'm typing out a post before i get ready to go shopping and i won't be free for the coming week cos i'll be so busy. and also my 17th birthday is coming up woohoo, can't wait till i'm 18 though!!!!!

so here are some spams of my face HAHA sorry
Basically, I was working this week except on thursday where i went to get something done hahaha (you would know if you follow me on instagram @annaxtammie (-; )

In da house yo 

my fruits are so tiny like seriously...........

this is basically what i do at work. nothing but draw -.- 

HOMEMADE CHICKEN RICE WOOHOO yum yum in my tum tum

painted my nails myself (so proud of myself woohoo) 

went out to meet markie!! Did some light shopping as well 

bored on friday

had dinner (yes diner, not breakfast) with parents & my boss

some tattoos that I'm considering to get either on my 18th birthday or earlier jahaha. 

but i think the second one is really freaking nice *___* i love it so much i wish that was my arm 

ok bye!! I'll update you guys soooonnnnn

gon' be busy this week!