ola

i love

hello, I've been pretty busy lately. 

And it's only tuesday but i am a l l drained out because I barely have time to rest, trying to rush from school to work to home, just in time to complete my tutorials (or try to) and projects. I feel like I'm suffocating but I don't wanna talk to anyone about it cos I don't wanna add to their list of "things that annoy me" hahah. 

If I don't manage to finish my tutorials at night, I'll end up doing them during my break in school unless tutorial is the first thing I have in the morning which is only once a week for macro so I'll make sure I get that done haha.

I've been feeling so... closed in lately. Like haven't bothered to talk to anyone or even go out because I just don't feel like (other than the fact that I have absolutely no time -___-) I feel sad too, cos of the fact I can't go for FO but there's nothing I can do about it. I also feel sad about the fact that I'm not close to bg anymore. Sometimes I just feel unappreciated, but most of the times it's my fault (i guess) I wish someone would understand and I also wish I would stop pushing everyone away. Sigh, don't really know how else to put this. 

I just wish things were as carefree as 1.1. People change, priorities change, we no longer have a common interest.. but still, I still love everyone that once mattered to me. 

There are so many people I miss but I don't think they miss me too which results in me being afraid to initiate a conversation. (but also, how do you do that? do you just say "hi" or "i miss you" or "how're you" -will things go back to how they were?) I mean so many things have changed during the sem break. Or maybe I have changed? (I kinda just paused for 2 mins and thought about the memories from 1.1) Why have I changed so much? Is it a good thing? I'm really not sure. How do I start opening up and being loud noisy and cheerful again? I think during the sem break I really thought about how unappreciated I feel at times..... and then my birthday came..... and i felt (a little) insignificant (but nonetheless, thankful for nat and my family)...... and.... i guess maybe being closed in is just for the best? Stops me from feeling disappointed cos I don't have anything/anyone to be disappointed in. 

time for me to sleep before I have to be awake and running around in 8 hours.

I hate long days.

I just want to lay in bed and watch my shows and sleep.

peace out girls scouts, 

goodnight