Thursday's brunch

Met mr fats for brunch @ penny's university :-)

We ordered eggs Benedict, salmon and cream cheese bagel and honey almond cake yum

Brandon's eggsben 

My cream cheese and smoked salmon bagel 

Penny's university's food is good but nothing special. It didn't WOW me but maybe because I wasn't that hungry. The cake was a little too sweet for my liking, felt like it was being drowned in honey but still really yummy ☺️ I'd go back there soon for their eggs ben cos I've yet to try it!!!! Hehe, might try their banoffee (banana and coffee, hence the name) pie which looks good but we didn't want to over order which tends to happen when people eat with me HAHA. 

Excited for tomorrow, going for Black Friday shopping with mah bbg <3 hehe 

Now

Detox tea x studying 

I ask myself everyday, how long can I keep this up? 

My life's been pretty hectic lately with lots of changes going on. I'm just praying that my appeal will be able to go through.... I made a bad choice last week by choosing BUS instead of MKG. I'm not sure if I can undo it. Even if I can't, I'll just aim to do my best in BUS. Other than that, tests are coming up and I have so many other things to settle before I can really concentrate. I'm just praying that 7-8 hours of sleep (or less) + 2-3 cups of coffee daily will be enough for me to keep running about, worrying about things, studying and doing projects. I can feel myself changing especially when my environment is taking a whopping 180. Please god, just don't let me crumble under the pressure again. 

Friday - now

Friday night with mark ❤️ 

Currently down with a flu but studying macro. 

I'm sick and tired, pun intended. I feel like my body is about to collapse any moment now.

Not only that, I'm stressed out and everything's all over the place.

Honestly disappointed in myself because I can't keep my shit together and getting tired so often. Disappointing, really. 

Times like these I just want to stay in bed all day

Happy mid week

Have a great midweek everyone :-)

Wearing florals to express my happiness, the mid week is finally here. It'll be Friday soon :-) 

:*

i think im gonna start changing the way i blog
no more ramblings and details into my boring life
still trying to come up with some ideas
hehe, stay tuned x
and also, have a blessed week ahead soldiers :-)

how are you

honestly when people ask me how am I.... I don't really know what to reply.
What do you mean by how am I? Like how am I emotionally or how am I coping with things or..?
or how is life treating me...? I could give tell you how I'm doing in a paragraph or i could just say I'm fine. (which is what most people expect.) But whoever came up with the greeting "how are you?",obviously didn't expect people these days would over think the meaning of those 3 simple words or that their lives are so complicated to the extent that they don't have an answer to that question. We're so used to saying "fine" that we don't think about what people mean when they ask "how are you"

sigh i dont know how to put my thoughts in words even though i think in words, phrases, paragraphs.
Ironic.
I'm exhausted, I have so many things that I need to do but I'm too lazy. Honestly, I hate the lazy side of me.... who doesn't right? I hate it when I lazy, I feel like a failure. I guess that's why I push myself so hard...? I don't think many people feel like that.. or think like how I do. If I'm not doing my work or working or studying when I'm supposed to, I'll feel angry and frustrated at myself and I'll find 10001 ways to make up for it, even if it means I have to burn the midnight oil.
Like now, I'm supposed to go for a run tonight. But I'm down with fever and I'm so pissed that I can't run because I feel like I'm not doing what I'm supposed to do and I hate it when I don't complete the things that I can't do. Argh. Maybe thats why sometimes I expect so much out of myself, i overestimate my capabilities and end up over working my body.

I think I'm in a good place right now. Projects are going fine, school work is going great, work is going alright, family's great. I can obviously find flaws or places that I can improve on, but this might just be the best I've been in since a long time. I'm grateful for what I have now, so thankful to the big guy up there for showing me how things are getting better and giving me the courage for cutting off ties with people who don't appreciate me as much.
I'm now seeing myself in a different light, trying to love myself. And not get hurt by the people that once meant so much to me. Why keep them in my life when I'm clearly not in their's anymore.
Oh well, time for me to get down to work... :-)
good day, fighters.


Me "why do I hate myself so much?"
Mark "maybe it's because too may people are leaving your life all at once and you over think to the point that you think the reason they've left has got something to do with your appearance."

To the people that left me:
you left my life. for a reason. (maybe i'm too boring or broken for u, i'm sorry that's my fault)
so don't come back into my life. because I know I would accept you back in without a doubt. but I can't afford to see myself broken again, just when I've got back up on my own 2 feet.

update on my boring life

hello everyone! who actually reads this ah. hahahaha
first, outfit pics:

really love wearing black and matching it with gold accessories. It's so....... classy in a sense hahaha

wow just realised i didnt take many pics of what i wear! oh well, you get the idea

finally on saturday i had dinner with my family after 3 weekends of working from 6-10. Opted not to work on saturday so that I can finally have a meal with my family. 

Went to a korean place to eat and daaaaamn it's so good. I'm actually hungry right now ): 

and i think this is damn worth it, gonna dine there with jacks soon :p

the normal appetizers that korean food places always have!! BUT I LOVE THE GLASS NOODLE AND THE BALL OF POTATO AND THE KELP waaaah everyone was eating their rice with the side dishes but i ate mine with mainly the appetizers..... haha

oh and i dont really like kimchi.... it tastes weird to me heh, it's spicy, but not spicy at the same time. Get what I mean? It's a subtle spiciness with a tinge of sour taste. Meh, it just doesn't appeal much to my taste buds

we ordered a hotpot of kimchi soup that is mainly ingredients!!!! Super worth the money hehe

egg pancake *______* i loved it soooo much wow

pork belly wooohoo!

and before that i met markie for makisan hehe. I was such a glutton that day, but after a week of dieting, a day of eating (normally) won't hurt right!!! :-) I liked the avacado box so much more.... but it was markie's and before I could ask if I can keep it, he threw it away -_____- srsly 

yup that's basically all I have. 

I don't want to go into the details of sch + work. There's nothing much really. 

Only fun thing that I'm planning is a second ink which is going to cost me a lot so I'm still considering sigh pie. 

It's 11:51 now and I'm planning to edit/do my marketing project now so that we can have a proper project consultation with our marketing teacher. 

MST are in 2/3 weeks time and this time, I'm planning to go prepared and not half-ready kind of thing. 

Really need to get my shit together (study wise) Can't afford any mistakes right now. 

And also.

I'm exhausted.

I'm partially glad my boss cut down my working hours by HALF but I'm quite sad too cos money is really smtg that I need ;_____; sigh

i'll do a more detailed "thoughts" post soon. 

Goodbye for now x

ola

i love

hello, I've been pretty busy lately. 

And it's only tuesday but i am a l l drained out because I barely have time to rest, trying to rush from school to work to home, just in time to complete my tutorials (or try to) and projects. I feel like I'm suffocating but I don't wanna talk to anyone about it cos I don't wanna add to their list of "things that annoy me" hahah. 

If I don't manage to finish my tutorials at night, I'll end up doing them during my break in school unless tutorial is the first thing I have in the morning which is only once a week for macro so I'll make sure I get that done haha.

I've been feeling so... closed in lately. Like haven't bothered to talk to anyone or even go out because I just don't feel like (other than the fact that I have absolutely no time -___-) I feel sad too, cos of the fact I can't go for FO but there's nothing I can do about it. I also feel sad about the fact that I'm not close to bg anymore. Sometimes I just feel unappreciated, but most of the times it's my fault (i guess) I wish someone would understand and I also wish I would stop pushing everyone away. Sigh, don't really know how else to put this. 

I just wish things were as carefree as 1.1. People change, priorities change, we no longer have a common interest.. but still, I still love everyone that once mattered to me. 

There are so many people I miss but I don't think they miss me too which results in me being afraid to initiate a conversation. (but also, how do you do that? do you just say "hi" or "i miss you" or "how're you" -will things go back to how they were?) I mean so many things have changed during the sem break. Or maybe I have changed? (I kinda just paused for 2 mins and thought about the memories from 1.1) Why have I changed so much? Is it a good thing? I'm really not sure. How do I start opening up and being loud noisy and cheerful again? I think during the sem break I really thought about how unappreciated I feel at times..... and then my birthday came..... and i felt (a little) insignificant (but nonetheless, thankful for nat and my family)...... and.... i guess maybe being closed in is just for the best? Stops me from feeling disappointed cos I don't have anything/anyone to be disappointed in. 

time for me to sleep before I have to be awake and running around in 8 hours.

I hate long days.

I just want to lay in bed and watch my shows and sleep.

peace out girls scouts, 

goodnight