just a note to everyone 

hello everyone
how're you feeling? This is the last week of september yaaay :-)
sucky september is coming to an end, osum october is about to start!!!
I'm so tired... like so so so so so tired i can just sleep my day away
i've been eating so much this week, i feel like slapping myself -___-
I have no idea what to say cos my life is just so boring and i don't really have anything to update you guys on. :-/
I dont really wanna talk about my feelings either because i don't think anyone is interested in it.
wow i'm just so complicated hahaha ok goodbye!
till later x

feelings thoughts everything

nowadays i can't help but to be sad... or just feel negative in every way possible.
It's so bad cos I don't even remember what its like being happy anymore. I've been feeling negative for about 2 weeks straight (or longer). And I'm so thankful for mark n nat for always sending me long texts and talking to me even though 90% of the time i'm just telling them how much my life sucks.
I have concluded that i'm feeling this way because of the way i look.
i detest myself. i can't help but hate every single thing about me. I don't understand how people look at me and say/think "oh she's ok" i'm honestly not ok. I'm had wide hips, BUT i dont have a thigh gap..? ok i do but at the top my thighs touch and it annoys me so much ):
here's the thing, I used to be super skinny in lower sec but because i was so skinny, i took it for granted... this is what i normally snack on at night

like in 1 night..  yeah.. it's bad i know.

i should be grateful i'm still on the leaner side of the scale but it still bugs me you know? people keeps telling me i put on weight and i'm trying so fking hard to lose it but i can't. my thighs have no my fats i think.. but its freakishly muscular because of training for 1 year and all the working out i do.. so i can't get a proper thigh gap anymore... do you get my pain aha...... i'm just hoping some miracle happens idk. I can't feel good about myself cos all i see are flaws and argh i just wanna cry aha. 

I have a feeling so many people are gonna judge me based on this post. "what the fuck is she talking about lol" "stupid fat bitch" "just go on a diet la" "cb talk so much" )-: i wish all these thoughts will just shut up. once i think about my body i think about how so many people have left me alr... and how many people i miss but my stupid pride won't allow me to text them and say "i miss u" so instead, i just lay in bed at night, wishing that a part of them misses me too... (but i know that will never happen) so my advice to all of you is to cherish those that are making an effort to be in your life (cliche, i know) don't push them away... always be thankful that they're a part of your life. don't be like me haha i end up fucking everything up with my stupid emotions and insecurity and pushing everyone away. the quote (or simply just 2 words) "everyone leaves" is utter bullshit. EVERYONE doesn't leave. it's either that you push them away, or they're just not meant to be in your life. but the word EVERYONE is such an overstatement.... people come and go, but there will always be a handful of people that will always be in your life, like an anchor, holding onto you, never letting you drift away.

Gosh, am i talking bullshit? I think i am. my thoughts are all over the place.

I hope no one hates themselves as much as i hate myself. it feels horrible hating myself but loving myself feels like a sin. why would i love fats when i don't even eat them lol. 

sometimes i feel like i need someone to give me a tight hug and tell me

 "everything will be okay in time to come." just hold me and never let me go )-: 

so once again,

"how do we get out of this labyrinth of suffering?" - looking for alaska

this is a very messy post

hi guys. :-) 

how have you been? (I hope people actually read this or I'm better off talking to a wall)

so lately i've been (I'VE BEEN LOSING SLEEP - one of my fav songs right now hehe ) anyway as I was saying before a voice in my head started singing counting stars...........

god why am i so weird.. (´･_･`)

as I was saying (x2) HAHAHA, lately I've been LOSING SLEEP AND WORKING for my hard earned money sigh can't wait till work is over......

it has been 3 weeks since I started work and there are just 2 more weeks to go before I put an end to hell on earth (for me) hehehehehehe

I'M SO EXCITED TO PUT AN END TO SUCKY SEPTEMBER AND START O-SUM (awesome) OCTOBER! woohooo ヽ(°◇° )ノ 

Soooo many things planned out for october. which I would love to tell everyone around me (including you guys *cricket sounds*) but I'm a jinx kind of person, get what I mean? 

When I get really excited about something and I tell people about it, it normally ends up getting... ruined or something. Which is annoying. So I don't really tell things to people until AFTER it's over. hahahahahah

So on to visuals!

i'll only talk about significant events.. so yeah that's basically like.. 1..... i'm pathetic i know. BUT WAIT FOR OCTOBER GUYS HEHE

during training one day.. the boys wore bumble bee themed socks. SUPER CUTE!!!!! and yes he was getting into a pail HAHA so cute

right after training, I went to meet mark for dinner @ ikea. Took a train from clementi to ikea..

OK LET ME TELL YOU GUYS THE UNFORTUNATE EVENTS OF THAT DAY OKAY.

i was damn suay. couldn't get more suay.

So after training, I went to the toilet to wash up and what not. I took pretty long, and I didn't know that the school would close at EXACTLY 5pm. I got out of the toilet at 5:30 and was walking down the stairs when I realised I was all alone in the school.... no guards no students. It was EMPTY. I started to get a bit worried cos I was wondering if the gate was locked. hah, YES IT FOOKIN WAS. So I started to panic and decided to find for another exit that would be open. Stupid me right??? WHY WOULD THEY LEAVE ANY OTHER GATE OPEN -.- So I walked around and then I decided to climb over the gate. There were 2 gates, 1 for people and 1 for vehicles. At first, I managed to squeeze my bag through the smaller gate (thinking that both gates would end up at the same path) and was gonna climb over the gate. When I was at the top, I realised I was too fucking tall to even get over it. Which meant I had to climb over the BIGGER GATE. Holy mother fishballs, I was so scared cos I've never climbed over a huge gate before and... CARS WERE DRIVING BY AND I WAS SCARED THEY WOULD CALL THE POLICE. Ok nvm, I overcame my fear and just climbed over the gate.. Then I realised... That both gates dont end up at the same exit. oh my god, I wanted to fcking kill myself I swear. I had to climb over, get my bag and climb the bigger gate while carrying my bag.......... Wah sb suay.

I thought that would be the end of the suay-ness.. BUT NO IT JUST KEEPS ON COMING DOESN'T IT.

When mark and I were going back to tamp... we took the shuttle bus to tamp inter even though I wanted to cab from ikea but the queue was so long and I didn't wanna wait. So being such idiots, when a shuttle bus came, we boarded without knowing which station it goes to. WE ENDED AT FUCKING SENGKANG AND DIDN'T EVEN KNOW AFTER WE ALIGHTED THE BUS AND LOOKED AROUND. I was even thinking "hey, I think that's Tamp 1!!!" then I saw "Seng Kang" on the mrt sign............ Good lord, I wanted to bite someone.

so as i was saying, i went to ikea to meet mark and have dinner with him (but he didn't eat -.-) 

best fran <3

yay finally clearing my tops! (only threw like max 8 of them)

heh my new rack is almost full....... already.................... 

coloured tops!

then yesterday I brought my pumpkin out for a run before we headed to ntuc to get some groceries

and my LATEST ADDICTION <33333333333 

that's all for now guys!!! See ya :-) I promise to update very soon!

9/8

HELLO IM BACK!!!!!!!!!!!!11

ok so i'm gonna be blogging abt my week because boring anna has nothing else to blog about boo :-(

Starting from Saturday - i decided it was time for me to lose some weight cos in a week's time from then (which was yesterday) I had to start training again for gymnastics. Mhmm fatty's gonna -hopefully- start losing weight and becoming stronger but still fat LOL

some of the things I bought!! which are sort of my day-to-day necessities.

went to have dinner with my fam after that! Parents decided to have BKT (bak kut teh) so we walked to joo chiat. What a yummy dinner! 

went home and made nat's birthday cards after cos I planned to "surprise" her at 2am with ac cakes which she likes!!1

went to her house at 2 to pass her her things ^^

next day:

had dinner w nat cos we realised we haven't spent much time together... 

 Decided to have dinner at nine thirty by awfully chocolate because we couldn't travel far since she had work to do after dinner. I ordered soup and she had sheperds' pie! yumz

truffle fries yummmmmmm

monday:

 First official day of work... If you guys are wondering, I'm working as a PA (personal assistant) for my dad's friend (so he's kinda my boss) and I have to do data entry every single day. Kind of a drag and still getting used to the "every morning wake up at 7 like a secondary school kid" 

i didn't even have to wake up at 7 for school since I started poly -unless I have 9am classes which is once or twice a week- 

And I knock-off at 6pm everyday so yeah

essentials for that day. Wasn't working full day and only had to go to the office after lunch so didn't bring lunch along with me!

tuesday: 

looking like an OL sigh

had soya bean cos my -sorta- boss bought me soya bean hoho! 

lunch.. which i had to stare at for about 3 hours. Could only have lunch at 1. And started work at 9:30 

DO YOU FEEL MY PAIN

paper work

then suddenly he took out 2 stacks for me to do..... yup life

suf fer ing

 6pm def came too slowly and had to OT for 45 mins cos I reached the office at 9:30 and started work at 9:45. 

BUT ANYWAY left the office at about 6:45 then went to meet some of mah homies @ haji lane for sheesha

chingyee's signature pose

went home after that to get a good night's sleep cos I could wake up at 10 the next morning. 

OFF DAY!!!!!!!!!! woohoo -my 1 and only off day.. ): 

went to sentosa with bg that day!!!! Sentosa was quite a fail cos out of the 10 that was supposed to show up, there were only 5 of us.... but kevin adeline and px came 2/3 hours later! whoop

hahah while i was out, mom and dad were complaining about work.. 

had lunch before I left the house which obviously wasn't enough so I bought dan zai when I reached vivo at 2.. YUM *__* I want some now but NO I must not succumb to greediness

amzar's make over :') 

 WENT BACK TO VIVO TO MEET THE REST. 

omg so many people you know

YOU KNOWWWWW OMG :') 

i was seriously so happy.

had dinner @ secret recipe which was quite yums! I had beef with stew sauce and some steamed veggies. Gave CY my fries hehe

kenji the dog

ended the day by giving adeline and rahman a surprise for their belated birthdays :') 

thursday: 

BACK TO WORK. Was POURING so I had to cab to work.. Argh $10 fly away

coordinates for work.

OL ENOUGH FOR YOU??????????????????

went home after work cos I was feeling rly tired so went home early to rest

TGIF:

ootd

dinner..

was too tired to even go out or anything.. So came home and SPLAT on the bed.

slept for about 11 hours that night SUPER SHIOK :')

Saturday:

doomsday.

HAHAHA KIDDING.

it was the day I started training once again.... Wow it has been so long and I'm so fcking unfit like seriously. 

 really need to get my shit together.

stretching my straddles - which is also the position I ALWAYS use my phone in whenever perry says "ok go have a break" 

it's good for me I guess cos I'm always on my phone I forget about the pain I'm in LOL

perry also said I gained weight and I look like a fishball. yknow what..

PERRY I AGREE HAHA

anyway, after a 2 1/2 hr training! It was time for me to go meet grandpa for dinner and shopping hehe

had dinner @ marche and it was sooooo good but too much for us to finish.

then went to H&M to shop!!!! he really spoils me tooooo much.

ever since I was young, whenever someone scolds me, I'll always go running to him in tears and he'll always manja me.

My family members will then scold him. HAHAH

anyway bought $135 worth of stuff!! Quite happy with my buys 

yup, that's all for this week! bye guyzzzzzz

put a smile on your face

for the first time in months, (probably since march) I feel genuinely happy.

I have no idea why i feel happy but, it just feels like I'm happy with everything and everyone around me even though they're not perfect..

for example, 

I'm still at cold war with my dad -sorta-

I dont have enough money -never will-

I really have an urge to shop but can't cos i have no money -always-

I still hate my body

etc etc

(I needed to end the negativity before it affects my extremely good mood)

Anyway, I feel like everything is where its supposed to be.

Life's not -supposed to be- perfect, and it will never be, 

so I guess I've somehow come to terms with the imperfections and idk??

There are so many things to be happy about in the world, why focus on the unhappy things?

There are probably more happy things in the world than unhappy, but we choose to focus our energy and time on the unhappy things..

i have no idea what I'm saying but I thought I should share my happiness with you guys... 

Spread the happiness, spread the love.

Stop the negativity, be grateful for what you have and hey, you might just have the best days of your life (:

love ya guyssssssssssss *virtual hug*