it's funny how i left secondary school thinking that hey, i will get a new start, life won't be as tiring and redundant, things will get better.. but nope.
No matter where I go, i've realised that things are bound to be the same treacherous cycle.
Work -> eat > sleep (for 2 hours) -> stress out -> cry repeat.
today my boss asked me if i'm mentally tired after i've told her i'm quitting.
Definitely.
Mentally tired isn't quite the right phrase i would use. I think it's more of.. worn out. Yes yes, everyone's worn out and i'm such a wuss to be so easily worn out. i'm full of excuses and full of shit.
yes. i get it.
i beat myself up everyday about how i'm a wuss and how tired i am.
i hate that i'm so sick and tired of everything.
you think i want to be like that?
fuck, hell no.
who on this fucking planet would want to be miserable.
it's not a choice.
i didn't fucking choose this life.
Thursday 8 January 2015
Tuesday 30 December 2014
my apologies.
Over the past few... weeks that slowly snowballed into months, I have been avoiding social contact including blogging even though I'm not very sure if it's counted as social interaction if no one reads this blog and it's a one sided thing. Too many things has happened the past few months that hurt me and my ego and I'm kind of all over the place. But I'll fix things and I'll fix myself. Because I realised that after all these time, I have become a fixer. Fixing problems and creating solutions to the problems created by myself or others.
And thank you for the concern that people has shown me over the rough months I've had. Appreciate it.
Now let's get on to it.
2014.
and here are the lessons I've learnt:
1. Never trust anyone. Not even your family members because after all, they are human and humans are all consumed by greed.
2. Yet, be grateful. For everything you have including things that you have lost.
3. Be a bitch. Because life is a bitch and let's face it, Karma doesn't exist because bad things happen to good people.
4. Accept change. Changes take place involuntarily and you have to accept it. Over a period of seconds, minutes, hours. Don't be afraid to confront change because change can be good.
5. Don't be weak. Don't be a pushover. Don't let anyone tell you what to do. Don't. for a second, let your guard down because people will eat you. Alive.
2014. has been the worst year i've gone through. With cutting of family ties, deaths, losing myself to my emotions etc. And I absolutely hate it. Everyday I remember how badly this year has been for me. Everything that was and has been in my control went well. Everything that I can't control went downhill and started eating at me inside out. So farewell 2014, Good fucking riddance.
As for 2015,
I guess we'll see where it goes. I was never the kind that set out resolutions because I clearly don't believe in them. But 2015.. I'll probably be bitch-ier and fiercer than I have ever been and you can only blame it on 2014 and the shit that made me like this.
Also just wondering- if you were to stereotype me.. what would it be?
If people were to judge me.. what am I?
I smoke, I have tattoos, I work 5 days a week at my part time job when I'm not in school, I'm partake in an interest group, I'm not skinny, I obtain pretty above average grades.. I'm not sure if I can ever be just someone of a specific stereotype. So now what? Am I society's outcast?
And thank you for the concern that people has shown me over the rough months I've had. Appreciate it.
Now let's get on to it.
2014.
and here are the lessons I've learnt:
1. Never trust anyone. Not even your family members because after all, they are human and humans are all consumed by greed.
2. Yet, be grateful. For everything you have including things that you have lost.
3. Be a bitch. Because life is a bitch and let's face it, Karma doesn't exist because bad things happen to good people.
4. Accept change. Changes take place involuntarily and you have to accept it. Over a period of seconds, minutes, hours. Don't be afraid to confront change because change can be good.
5. Don't be weak. Don't be a pushover. Don't let anyone tell you what to do. Don't. for a second, let your guard down because people will eat you. Alive.
2014. has been the worst year i've gone through. With cutting of family ties, deaths, losing myself to my emotions etc. And I absolutely hate it. Everyday I remember how badly this year has been for me. Everything that was and has been in my control went well. Everything that I can't control went downhill and started eating at me inside out. So farewell 2014, Good fucking riddance.
As for 2015,
I guess we'll see where it goes. I was never the kind that set out resolutions because I clearly don't believe in them. But 2015.. I'll probably be bitch-ier and fiercer than I have ever been and you can only blame it on 2014 and the shit that made me like this.
Also just wondering- if you were to stereotype me.. what would it be?
If people were to judge me.. what am I?
I smoke, I have tattoos, I work 5 days a week at my part time job when I'm not in school, I'm partake in an interest group, I'm not skinny, I obtain pretty above average grades.. I'm not sure if I can ever be just someone of a specific stereotype. So now what? Am I society's outcast?
Friday 17 October 2014
brussel sprouts
coming up with a post title is so difficult
im actually eating brussel sprouts now for my late lunch
anyway i said i would do a what i ate post so here is it!
this is from 2 days back so enjoy~
im actually eating brussel sprouts now for my late lunch
anyway i said i would do a what i ate post so here is it!
this is from 2 days back so enjoy~
breakfast: guacamole on toast and a banana
daily cuppa
meal 2: fruits (gold kiwi and apples!)
meal 3 (lunch): veg and 2 slices of bread
before i went to work i made strawberry tea and threw in a handful of frozen berries. packed 2 bananas for work as well
meal 4: oatmeal at work. and 2 bananas!!
also i ate a cupcake that day bc it was my last day at twelve so that is probably my last cupcake in my entire life. considering that i don't eat cupcakes and didn't eat cupcakes until i started working at twelve.
-
anyway, i was out the entire day yesterday and i couldn't have my meals yesterday at home so i had sushi for both meals. and it was the worst decision i've made because i realised that my body can't work with gluten or carbs..... i felt extremely sluggish and bloated after i ate carbs. And even after i ate a cupcake, i woke up being v bloated the next day (ystd morning) and the bloatedness didn't go away.
so now i'm trying to keep away from gluten and refined sugar and white carbs sigh
this means no sushi anymore (unless i have it moderately)
anyway, i found gluten free snacks that i used to eat waaay back and had this earlier as a pre lunch thingy
yes 99% fat free and gluten free
also going for a run tonight, quite excited for that.
i think that's all the updates i've got at the moment.
bye all~
-annabelle tammie-
Wednesday 15 October 2014
hey there
hello
feeling rather happy because i managed to survive a short run (or rather, a sprint) after a long and semi-crappy day due to my uncontrollable eating.
and also, very in the mood while listening to arctic monkeys.
i'm looking forward to tomorrow because i have my meals all planned out and have a list of things that i've got to do before school resumes on monday.
I guess I like the feeling of being productive.
I'm also starting to like the shape of my legs/thighs because the muscles are starting to form and less half-muscle/half-flab kind of situation.
but that also means i won't have a big "thigh gap" anymore but hey fuck that!
might do a post of "What I Ate Today" if i have the time or if i remember to take pictures of all my meals hahahaha
-gdnight :-)
feeling rather happy because i managed to survive a short run (or rather, a sprint) after a long and semi-crappy day due to my uncontrollable eating.
and also, very in the mood while listening to arctic monkeys.
i'm looking forward to tomorrow because i have my meals all planned out and have a list of things that i've got to do before school resumes on monday.
I guess I like the feeling of being productive.
I'm also starting to like the shape of my legs/thighs because the muscles are starting to form and less half-muscle/half-flab kind of situation.
but that also means i won't have a big "thigh gap" anymore but hey fuck that!
might do a post of "What I Ate Today" if i have the time or if i remember to take pictures of all my meals hahahaha
-gdnight :-)
Sunday 12 October 2014
quick
blogging a quick post before i head to bed :-) feeling quite content after a day of clearing my desk + cupboard and work. managed to get some food to last me for a couple of weeks so im feeling very motivated right now!!
and also arms day tomorrow, im excited 👍
hehe goodnight everyone, good monday!
yasss
rambling
hello there.
i've been back on social media for about 24 to 48 hours and im sick of it already which means i might delete my twitter and instagram and only post when i have things i want to post.
anyhoo, today was a rather good day bc i managed to do some permanent damage to my finances!!!! it's amazing how i made that sound so good like a guilty pleasure. i met brandon today and had lunch + movie + quick shopping trip :-) it was so good but the girl in me is still slightly unsatisfied bc i feel like i need m o r e. but maybe i'll be satisfied when my nastygal package arrives. i got a stussy bucket hat, 2 white tops from topshop, 2 items from zara, 2 items from editor's market and also a thomas sabo charm for my sis for her birthday. yes whatever i've bought is definitely not enough
and also i realised that my cupboard is getting really messy so i'm gonna rearrange it and pack it tomorrow. considering switching my cork board into a jewelry board instead bc everything is just so messy.....
also going for yoga tomorrow to help with the bloatedness
then going to the supermarket
and work at 4!
im quite excited for tomorrow. i know it's gon' be guuuuuuud :-)
i've been back on social media for about 24 to 48 hours and im sick of it already which means i might delete my twitter and instagram and only post when i have things i want to post.
anyhoo, today was a rather good day bc i managed to do some permanent damage to my finances!!!! it's amazing how i made that sound so good like a guilty pleasure. i met brandon today and had lunch + movie + quick shopping trip :-) it was so good but the girl in me is still slightly unsatisfied bc i feel like i need m o r e. but maybe i'll be satisfied when my nastygal package arrives. i got a stussy bucket hat, 2 white tops from topshop, 2 items from zara, 2 items from editor's market and also a thomas sabo charm for my sis for her birthday. yes whatever i've bought is definitely not enough
and also i realised that my cupboard is getting really messy so i'm gonna rearrange it and pack it tomorrow. considering switching my cork board into a jewelry board instead bc everything is just so messy.....
also going for yoga tomorrow to help with the bloatedness
then going to the supermarket
and work at 4!
im quite excited for tomorrow. i know it's gon' be guuuuuuud :-)
Saturday 11 October 2014
the day i was born
birthday and death day mean the same thing and carry the same significance. just that the date of birth is celebrated yearly, simply because we know when we were born. if we knew when our death day is we would probably mourn every year on that day and it'll probably carry more significance than a birthday.
just putting it out there.
anyway so my birthday wasn't a big hooha, it was actually quieter than any other day. thank you to all who wished me especially those who sent out a really long text. means a lot to me when i'm so emotional and fragile these past few weeks. i know i don't reply much but from the bottom of my heart i am really touched :')
so today i went for lunch w my dad's side and had jap food... ate quite a lot. then went kino after my family left since it was at liang court.. papa had to go back to the naval base and kuku went home with the kids so it gave me some alone time. ended up buying 5 books and it might just be the best birthday buys yet (for this year). came home, read a book and fell asleep. woke up and felt quite sick because of my bloated-ness... watched an episode of bones and then mummy came home!! she bought home sushi (again, YAY) and a slice of buckwheat blueberry cake. (my mum honestly knows me THE BEST) and she also bought me a thomas sabo charm bracelet. which i wasn't expecting because she gave me money a few weeks ago to pay for my gym membership and she said this is your birthday present ya. I was OVER THE MOON when she gave me the money and i really wasn't expecting ANYTHING......... ahhhhh. anyway, waited for my bloated tummy to subside a bit and went to the gym wanting to do arms.. but heck the gym was PACKED so i ended up doing interval running and biking for 30 mins without break and daaaaaamn it felt good... esp on the treadmill when you can adjust the incline of it..
however felt like shit when i got home bc my bloated tummy became worse when i chugged down my water :-( but am feeling much better now!
just putting it out there.
anyway so my birthday wasn't a big hooha, it was actually quieter than any other day. thank you to all who wished me especially those who sent out a really long text. means a lot to me when i'm so emotional and fragile these past few weeks. i know i don't reply much but from the bottom of my heart i am really touched :')
so today i went for lunch w my dad's side and had jap food... ate quite a lot. then went kino after my family left since it was at liang court.. papa had to go back to the naval base and kuku went home with the kids so it gave me some alone time. ended up buying 5 books and it might just be the best birthday buys yet (for this year). came home, read a book and fell asleep. woke up and felt quite sick because of my bloated-ness... watched an episode of bones and then mummy came home!! she bought home sushi (again, YAY) and a slice of buckwheat blueberry cake. (my mum honestly knows me THE BEST) and she also bought me a thomas sabo charm bracelet. which i wasn't expecting because she gave me money a few weeks ago to pay for my gym membership and she said this is your birthday present ya. I was OVER THE MOON when she gave me the money and i really wasn't expecting ANYTHING......... ahhhhh. anyway, waited for my bloated tummy to subside a bit and went to the gym wanting to do arms.. but heck the gym was PACKED so i ended up doing interval running and biking for 30 mins without break and daaaaaamn it felt good... esp on the treadmill when you can adjust the incline of it..
however felt like shit when i got home bc my bloated tummy became worse when i chugged down my water :-( but am feeling much better now!
-also don't mean to brag but daaaaamn legs day has been paying off..
actually u know what, i reserve every right to brag about my body because i worked my ass off for it. my legs may not be as tiny any more but that's because MY THIGHS R NOW MUSCLES bitches.
goodnight
-annabelle tammie
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